Tuesday, December 07, 2004

blogging away

Been thinking. All the time I’ve had on my hands recently has allowed me to do so, to great lengths. All the feelings I have in me regarding my trip are of a nature that seems to be inexpressible.

I recall the morning of my departure. The fear that I felt was so incredibly overwhelming. I was leaving here, leaving this town, this house, for 2 months. It’s a short amount of time, I’m aware, but it was scary. Exciting but very scary. Leaving the bubble.
The night before, some friends took me out to dinner. I recall looking at all of them, watching them interact as they sat around the table at the restaurant, and becoming sad at the thought of not seeing them; these people, these faces, so familiar, so comfortable...safe. Upon being dropped off at home that night, there were a number of "goodbyes" and "have funs" and "be safes". I remember tears coming to my eyes as I said goodbye to Jim, my scarecrow, him being the last person I hugged. I was sad to leave. Sad and afraid of what was to come. Afraid of the unknown, as I usually tend to be.

It’s funny. The fear I felt about leaving here and going there, was almost nothing compared to the fear I felt about leaving there and coming back here.

The month spent there was honestly the greatest month I ever lived. Going into specific detail is not something I’ll do. Not here, anyway. All I can really say is that I feel new. I feel cleaner. I feel stronger and more adept at dealing with situations that life throws at me. I’ve learned. I’ve realized. I’ve become aware. And I am beyond grateful for all the amazing people I met in Chicago. The love I have for them...it’s just too strong and too much to put into words.

So I’m here now. Back here. "Home" , if you will. Things are different and things are the same. Being home again isn’t what I expected it to be. Then again, I’m not quite sure what I expected it to be. I know though, that everything is as it is supposed to be. The things that are different are allowing me to grow and the things that are the same...that’s all, they’re just the same.
I look forward to going to school. I think about it often. I enjoy learning like nothing else. And I feel that many new experiences await me, as long as I’m open to them. And I am, Open to newness.

more to come, I suppose...

3 Comments:

Blogger Jackie said...

You're a good girl.

6:12 AM  
Blogger Jim said...

I can't wait for the big update that's youre preparing. I'm sure it'll be really amazing. We're all waiting.....

1:20 PM  
Blogger dove said...

WHY????????????????

10:49 AM  

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