Thursday, February 24, 2005

how near or how far...

every new day i'm alive, life gets a little more...something. i guess i lack for the right adjective. the truth is, i'm not sure where i am. this place, this state of being...it's unknown and new.

inevitably, i still miss. i've found that throughout a lifetime, there is always going to be something to miss because everything continues to change so constantly. and that's ok with me. actually, the changing of things and situations and ways is now something i can see as beautiful, right, and a lot of the time necessary.
i'm always amazed by how little we can really know regarding the movement of time. did you know or even think you'd be where you are right now 5 years ago? 1 year ago? 3 months ago? maybe, but probably not. the way i used to conceptualize the passing of time caused me to fear it...at times desperately. now this fresh perception i've somehow developed leaves me excited, and wonderfully hopeful.
maybe it's faith. faith is something new to me. being the skeptic i tend to be, it never felt possible to have true faith in anything because i doubted everything. i struggled with the idea that i'd never come to find anything i could wholeheartedly believe in. certain ideas, theories and religions sparked my interest but i never felt strongly enough about any of them to even consider taking them on as my own.
but, as i'm sure i've stated before, something happened to me on that trip i took. something life changing and spectacular. words could not possibly do it justice. it's a feeling. it was an energy shift. i came home feeling and continue to feel new. rested. fresh. ready. able...and i gained faith. i believe it changed me, that faith. faith in this world, in the universal force that is the cause of everything (namely, god...to some). faith in reasons behind all happenings. faith in divine timing. in love. in relationships with other human beings. in myself. my heart races at the simple recollection of those moments in which i felt everything come together. this faith i've been so incredibly blessed to have realized... this faith is the reason and the meaning behind every smile you will see on my face until the day i leave this earth.

i should have been asleep hours ago...early classes. thank you and goodnight.

3 Comments:

Blogger Jackie said...

Yea, i wanted to change mine, and i didn't realize the one i chose was the same as urs until after. i thought you were updating????

5:07 PM  
Blogger Cassandra said...

Hi

I am trying to knit the Salt Peanut Sweater. I have your directions which I want to Thank you very much. But I have a question. Could you email me so I know we are connected
ctexas@ix.netcom.com

Thank you
Cassandra

3:42 PM  
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